Blue Hair, Tattoos and Self Expression (life with M.E.)

Alison/Tink; Hello our blogger arme!
A cute little blog discussion this time, albeit coming from a serious origin.

So many of us, quite rightly, feel like our bodies are out of control. As if they take charge and we are left rendered completely choice-less.

A lot of us can not choose what type of clothes we wear, how we have our hair- (if we can have hair at all), what jewellery or makeup we wear, and so on.

So much of human expression, and personality, is embodied in our clothes choices, hair styles, body language and physicality etc. Yet for a lot of us with M.E., these seemingly simple parts of life, are not in our hands.

Sometimes, it can be pretty important, sane making, and even empowering, to take some control back, when you can.

Jodi/Hbird:  That is so true. It can mean so much and help so much, even though they may seem like small and superficial things to do.

I said recently to a fellow ill person that has tattoos to help express the pain and powerlessness of illness that for me dyeing my hair recently was all I could do at that time, and my only alternative to just screaming at the top of my lungs in frustration for days and days until my voice was gone. That isn't exactly what I mean and feel I think but there is a big chunk of truth there too. It's very hard to put such strong feelings and pain into words, especially when you are so ill.

Alison/Tink: Isn't it just! I think many reading this will concur, sadly!

Here are a few examples of our personal experiences in this area.

I have two tattoos (so far). I had them done when I was well enough to cope with the physical fall out afterwards.

I have a 'friend' who is a tattooist who came to my bedroom and did them here, in a more controlled manner. I am such a girly girl so they are small and dainty so it wasn't too bad going. Both of them are more psychological ones, than aesthetic ones, and they literally help me every day. I would like two more, but will have to wait I think. Which is frustrating but probably for the best.

I know you have a love and affection for hair dye Jodi...

Jodi/Hbird; Oh I really do Tink, a big love!

I am too fickle for tattoos I think, what I love about body modification type things is the constant changing of them and always thinking up new things to do that will be fun. I worry I would change my mind about a tattoo design I picked now, years later. But maybe one day I'll feel confident that I know or want something for sure and for always as you have and take that tattoo plunge!

I'm so glad you get so much out of yours Alison, and that you were able to have them at home, that is so great.

For now, what I love is hair dye!

I have been too ill to do anything with my hair at all really for about a decade. A 15 second 'styling' job to get it out of my face is about it (combing optional!), plus 2 minute self haircuts occasionally! (I have to admit, usually I really enjoy doing those...it may well be the only thing I'd miss about being ill, if I were to suddenly become 100% healthy tomorrow. Cutting my own hair really quickly. The sound it makes as you quickly cut into a big hank of hair and chop it off, I love it! But I digress!)

Making my hair all pretty colours was my way of celebrating the fact that finally my health is slowly improving and that maybe soon my life will be about more than just basic survival...and have a bit more fun and life and colour in it.

Life has been monotone for so long.

Once I was finally well enough to do it, it became something I just had to do as soon as I could. It was both a celebration of being well enough to do such things again finally but also, a way of venting some of the pain and powerlessness of years of stupendously severe illness.

Being very ill means boring clothes and hair (and even music and room decorations and other things) and not being able to do so many things that make up who you are. This felt like a small way of reclaiming my non-ill personality a bit too. It made me feel more myself than I have in years. It is a small thing but to me, symbolic and powerful.

Alison/Tink; That's such a good point Jodi, that we often need to express, or simply be able to find, the person inside of us, the one who was born, not forged through illness. And then to blossom it too.

Jodi/Hbird; It doesn't help me cope with every day that much, it is all still really hard each day...but now and then when I see a glimpse of blue or another colour in my hair's reflection it makes me smile...as does planning which combinations of colours I'll do next.

Colourful hair dyes have come so far since I last did them over 10 years ago I'm so happy to see! The colour used to fade as soon as you looked at it. Even when hair was freshly dyed back then it was nowhere near as VIBRANT and deeply chromatic as any of the Special Effects brand dyes I use are. I LOVE the new dye technology! It is so weird to sometimes be annoyed the blue I have just put in isn't fading at all even after lots of washes (I really am liking them a lot more when they fade to pastels, you see).

I sometimes wish I could disappear it instead of just minimising it when I (occasionally) see people that aren't close family. I know it looks in way like attention seeking, and the idea I am doing that makes me self conscious and embarrassed, but actually it is all for me and I would be most happy if people didn't mention or comment on it to me. (Online comments are fine though and nobody needs to be careful at all about mentioning it to me or anything like that, but it is just different in person!)

Alison/Tink; And of course there are people who think you must be 'well' or 'better' to do things like these. Obviously you have to be able to do them, but it is always somewhat deflating to me how people fail to realise how ill one can be and do something like these. Does that make sense?

Jodi/Hbird; It does to me Tink!

Alison/Tink; I always worry that people will think I'm far healthier and able than I realistically am just because I have hair now, or a top that shows my figure differently. It's such a shame to gain these vital personification type things, yet worry about almost hiding them for fear of others wrong opinions.

Jodi/Hbird; Yes, I think people see you doing things not essential for survival and think 'Oh well then, you must have all the basic tasks of life well in hand if you can do extras!'

But at a certain point after years of struggle, sometimes self expression and doing a few things that are NOT to do with basic survival is what you have to do TO survive. To help you get through the difficult days. (When you are beyond a certain point of illness severity all the days are difficult ones, although the levels do vary.)

Also, often these small changes in our hair or wardrobe indicate only very, very small improvements in our ability to do things, and these improvements may well be gone by the time people get to see the changes in our appearance. So yes, appearances can be a quite misleading in this respect, I agree. It is a bit frustrating that a small but wonderful good thing can have this not-so-positive side as well.

If anyone is interested I'd recommend going colourful, in a big way or even only in a small section of hair, to anyone whose job allows it... and especially anyone that is ill or for other reasons just needs or wants a bit of fun and excessive colourfulness. More beautiful and unexpected colour in the world is always a good thing!

Happy dyeing and tattooing everyone!

Ps from Jodi on the issue of chemical sensitivities: I have significant issues with chemical sensitivities and I got around these by only bleaching and dyeing my hair starting about an inch from the roots - so none of the dyes or bleaches touch the scalp and the skin at all. The rest of my hair is natural brown coloured. I think it looks better not going all the way to the roots, personally. Plus doing it this way avoids all regrowth issues and means I only will have to re-bleach every 4 - 6 months or more. Pretty low maintenance, which is what I was after. If you wrap the hair in foil once bleach is applied the smell is very minimal. If I do it right I have no reaction to any of the products at all.

If anyone would like more dyeing tips and info on colour and brand choice you can check out my Special Effects dye review on Amazon, and also my gorgeous Fantastical hair colours I love board on Pinterest.

Also, if you are thinking about a tattoo you may want to read this article on avoiding toxic dyes used by some tattooists or this article. Researching all the dyes and things you will have tattooed onto your skin or put on your hair is up to you and essential!

Alison/Tink; I asked my tattooist what was in the dye, she had no idea! Said most long term tattoo artists don't! I'm so tempted to drop a joke comparison about ignorant doctors but I'll leave this doctor free, for our sanity :-)

Jodi/Hbird; Pps. I also just wanted to say, yes, for many very ill people doing any dyeing and tattooing will just not be possible at this time. This post should in no way be taken to mean we think that everyone with M.E. will have these options. We know they do not, and indeed we have only managed them in particular ways/recently/with difficulty, ourselves. We wish everyone reading this blog the improvement in your health in the future that will let you do some of these things maybe, or any of the other things you are dying to do!

Alison/Tink; You beat me to it!! I was going to add exactly that point. Yes, you have to be able to do these things, and/or cope with the potential fallout, not many severe M.E.ites have this option. But if you possibly can, self expression of any sort, can be pretty important. Hence this post. But we both absolutely know, from medical knowledge and experience, this is often not an option.

 

 

 
Back to point, I love this picture of you Jodi, one of my favourites actually! I think your blue hair expresses as much as your smile here. Thank you so much for including it!!

We would love to hear about your various ways of self expression, either below on the easy comment stream, or via email to my usual address contactalisonLouisebell@gmail.com

We love hearing from you.

That's all for this entry folks,

We hope you enjoyed the visit!

Best wishes, Much love and Blessings

The Tinkerbelle and Hummingbird M.E. Blog x x

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